


you are what is good

by KayNight



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Confessions, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 08:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21389443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: What the fuck. He’s done it now, Sylvain thinks, only slightly hysterically. He convinced the fucking King of Fodlan that for some bizarre reason he’s in love with him. With Sylvain. He’s even managed to ruin this, to corrupt Dimitri this way. He never should’ve done this, he was so fucking selfish - he needs to. He needs to fix this and he needs to fix it now.tldr; Sylvain wants to make Dimitri feel good. It does not go as planned.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 246





	you are what is good

**Author's Note:**

> fucking rare pair hell

A year into being King, Dimitri is pulled into the quarters reserved for Margrave Gautier with a wink and smile, and presented an offer he never could have imagined. In the months that followed, Sylvain had worked his way into Dimitri’s bed and heart with gentle touches and sweet kisses that Dimitri was still coming to understand that he deserved. Sylvain had asked for his permission that day, to make him feel good. To help relieve some of the burden he bore through simple pleasure, with no expectations. Dimitri had would have outright rejected the offer as a joke if it was not for the complete sincerity of Sylvain’s words, the gentle and almost vulnerable way he suggested the arrangement. 

Dimitri had been at a loss for words, and stuttered out that he appreciated the offer - but, but, _ but _ \- he could not think of a reason why not to, save one. 

That he was in love with Sylvain, and had been in love with him ever since they were children. 

But he could not tell him this, could never tell him this. And so, for lack of a better excuse - or so he told himself, but truly it was a matter of simple desire for closeness, to be able to feel the man he loved the way he had longed for for so long. The guilt had been maddening at first, with every kiss exchanged, everytime Sylvain took him apart only to piece him back together again. But the pleasure, the peace - the genuine relief that Sylvain had promised, easily conquered any regrets that wore Dimitri down. 

And so they had carried on in secret for many months, Dimitri intent on keeping his true feelings locked deep.

And then Sylvain was required to return to Gautier to quiet growing rumblings along the border, leaving Dimitri’s side bereft of his council and warmth. It was then that Dimitri realized that this, at some point, in months, in a year, in a decade, would be his future. Sylvain would return to Gautier for good, only blessing Fhirdiad with his smile and presence once a moon, would take a wife, start a family - and Dimitri, Dimitri would - 

Dimitri could no longer imagine a future without Sylvain. He had long sworn to never reveal his affections to Sylvain, to never risk what they had in favor of what they could be - but. But they were going to lose what they had regardless, and what they could be - that… that may be the only future for them. 

And, if Sylvain did not return his affections - which was the result Dimitri very much expected - Dimitri could not see him pulling away, could not see him truly ever abandoning his side. Not after everything - truly, such a pure emotion as love could not be any more abhorrent that the monster he had been for so long. 

So Dimitri decided to risk it all for one possible future. 

* * *

Sylvain is not even back for an hour from Gautier, still in his dusty traveling clothes, when Dimitri asks him to his chambers. Part of Sylvain is hopelessly pleased, and the other part completely lovelorn. That Dimitri would want him in this way, give himself over to Sylvain this much, even if it is never as much as Sylvain would want, is something the older man cherishes deeply. It cuts like a knife, but he savors the wound. 

Sylvain follows Dimitri quietly through the castle halls down the familiar path to the other’s chambers, admiring the sweep of golden hair and that posture that never was anything but perfect. He blinks in surprise however when Dimitri stops just outside of the entrance to his chambers, quietly dismissing the guard waiting there. Dimitri waits until the guard has disappeared down the corridor to turn to face Sylvain, and the latter is taken aback by the tense expression on his face. 

Immediately, Sylvain is put on edge and his fingers twitch at his sides. Dimitri’s brows are drawn together and his breathing is deliberately steady. He does not meet Dimitri’s gaze at first, glancing somewhere beyond him. Dimitri then takes a deep, fortifying breath and says the words that drag the floor out from beneath Sylvain’s feet. 

“Sylvain. I have come to realize that my feelings towards you are not... are not simply of friendship. I am in love with you, Sylvain. I apologize if my affections are undesirable, but after being parted for so long and… contemplating what it is I wish my future to be like, I could no longer remain silent.” 

What the fuck. He’s done it now, Sylvain thinks, only slightly hysterically. He convinced the fucking King of Fodlan that for some bizarre reason he’s in love with him. With Sylvain. He’s even managed to ruin this, to corrupt Dimitri this way. He never should’ve done this, he was so fucking selfish - he needs to. He needs to fix this and he needs to fix it now. 

“Look, Your Majesty - Dimitri. I’m sorry, I completely fucked this up, I should’ve known this would happen. It’s only natural you’d think that way, that after so many years of not -“

The look on Dimitri’s face shuts Sylvain right up. It is well tamed fury, tinted by what could only be described as well worn misery and grief.

“Sylvain! Do not disrespect me by assuming I do not know my own feelings - at least. At least in this regard. You are a far better person than you would ever allow yourself to recognize, and the way you treat yourself...” Dimitri gave a dark laugh, shakily brushing his fingers through his hair, “it makes me understand what it must have felt for everyone upon our reunion. I feel helpless, I do not know how to convince you of the credibility of my affections, because you are so convinced that you would only ever be wanted for your crest and not for who you are. You are kind, brilliant, and steadfast. You have no care for class, creed, or religion, and I would not be the man I am today without your constant watch. I must confess I view myself quite terribly for having agreed to our... arrangement... while harboring such feelings for you, as I have since the academy. But while I must be strong in all other affairs, before you I find myself weak. And you allow me to be weak. Yes... in this matter I am guilty of loving you, but only in the fact of concealing my feelings from you. I cannot bring myself to feel guilt for loving you, not when you deserved to be loved so deeply.”

Sylvain can’t breath. The brightness of Dimitri’s eye, the tension of his jaw, the sincerity of his gaze - getting eaten away by the blackness at the edges of his vision. He’s heaving, miserable terrible gasps and his head is spinning - Dimitri is in love with me, there’s no way he’s in love with me, I fucked him up, I fucked up everything, look what you’ve done now Sylvain, you corrupted him, but he said, he said, he said - ! 

“Sylvain, I need you to breath with me.” 

Soft linen under his fingertips, warmth beneath that and the steady rise and fall - Dimitri’s chest, he’s touching Dimitri’s chest. 

“In and out with me, Sylvain, I need you to breath with me okay?”

Dimitri needs him. Sylvain has to - he has to - 

Sylvain takes a deep shuddering breath, inhaling greedily and holding it time with the expansion of Dimitri’s chest beneath his hand.

“One, two, three, four, five, six... Okay, exhale... One, two, three...”

How long they sat there, Sylvain isn’t quite sure. But as the minutes ticked on, he slowly was able to take in his surroundings, the cold marble beneath him, his elbow digging in uncomfortably into his side at the odd angle he had collapsed into... and Dimitri kneeling in front of his, expression open and earnest and only a little bit terrified. 

“I’m sorry-“

“Sylvain. I was mad for five years, ordered you into battle on suicidal missions in pursuit of a revenge fantasy, and then proceeded to have intimate relations with you while hiding my romantic affections for you. I think at the very least you are allowed one episode of shock for which you need my assistance.” 

Sylvain swallowed hard, and felt his world tilting for an entirely different reason this time. It seems impossible to Sylvain that anyone could resist Dimitri when sincerity seemed to be woven into his very soul. Sylvain could never fault Dimitri for any pretensions he used to get by in the Academy, or at any other time. Sylvain may be a fool but at least he isn’t a hypocrite. Dimitri is terribly beautiful like this, all sweetness and concern, but with that undercurrent of authority and assuredness that he had only recently grown into. And oh how he had grown, without Sylvain realizing it or coming to terms with it. It is no wonder how painfully quick and disastrously Sylvain had fallen for the other man, and for the first time, sitting here at some goddess damned hour in the morning on the cold marble floor, Sylvain does not feel guilty for it. Dimitri’s words hit him then - ‘I cannot bring myself to feel guilt for loving you’.

“You don’t have to feel guilty for lying to me, not about that. Not about...” Sylvain swallowed, trying to find the words, but his mind is racing still, even if his heart has come to terms with this new reality. 

“You are only as guilty as I am... I more so, considering I approached you fully aware that my intentions towards you weren’t as... a friend.”

Dimitri’s eye widened at that, and Sylvain could see the ripple of tension that rolled across the other man’s body. Dimitri remained silent, waiting, hoping.

“I wanted to make you feel good,” Sylvain whispered, a confession that made his voice tremble, and he dropped his gaze to his hand still resting on Dimitri’s chest. He couldn’t look at the other man, Sylvain was a coward and well aware of it, “the way that I was certain no one else could. I didn’t. Want it to be anyone else, I wanted it to be me.”

“Sylvain... what are you...?”

“You were really cute back at the Academy, you know? Gave me a huge shock. Even if half of it was bullshit, even if you were falling apart... You were still you, always so good. So kind. So damn sincere. Every time you came to tell me off for being out with a girl... you don’t know how hard it was to just not tell you right then and there. That all you had to do was make it so no girl would ever cross my mind again,” Sylvain let out a rough laugh at that, dragging a hand across his face, “not that they ever took up as much space as you did. Couldn’t ever get you out of my head... not then, not now.” 

Dimitri looks like he might cry, which is honestly incredibly dangerous because if he cries, then Sylvain is certainly going to cry and it’s just going to be messy and sad and - Sylvain shoves that all down hard, because he has to do this, he has to do this right. 

“I don’t know if I loved you then, I’m not sure when it happened. Somewhere along the way in the tumult of it all. All I know is that I want you to be happy, and I really truly want to be the one that makes that happen. I love you now, and I have for quite a while.”

He’s done it, he did it, he said it, Dimitri knows. Sylvain feels like he might be sick, he’s terrified out of his goddess-damned mind, but Dimitri is just staring at him with something akin to wonder on his face, disbelief and joy and something indescribable - and then Dimitri is kissing him, just as Sylvain taught him all those months ago. But it had never felt like this - there was no hesitation, no self-consciousness. Just Dimitri desperately trying to convey everything he felt in the slide of their lips, the press of teeth against Sylvain’s bottom lip. Sylvain is shaking at first, but then Dimitri crawls up into his lap, wrapping one firm arm around his waist and burying another in his hair. The whirlwind of thoughts, of shock, start to calm with the comforting pressure of Dimitri against him, the soothing touch of fingers brushing through his hair...

When they pull apart, Sylvain keeps his eyes closed, wanting this moment to last forever. Dimitri is love with him, in love with Sylvain. All of these years... 

A soft kiss pressed to the curve of his cheek, brushed across his forehead, the top of his nose - his lips. 

“I love you, Sylvain.”

Sylvain took a deep breath, letting the words wash over him like a cool rain on a summer day. A relief, a blessing. 

He opened his eyes to Dimitri’s brilliant smile, eye crinkled, hair a mess. Sylvain huffed a breath, Goddess knows what he did in a past life to deserve this. But it’s about time he stopped questioning it.

“I love you, Dimitri.”

**Author's Note:**

> fucking r a r e p a i r h e l l. comments and feedback appreciated. find me on twt @cntrlvaneau


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